Sanguisity Unravelled

Dear Marcus, how about rethinking yourself?

2010-04-21T21:36:00.003+08:00

hello all.

feeling remotely depressed lately. my grades are all failing my expectations and i feel quite demoralized to the extent i sorta gave up on homework... it's like the effort i try to put in for some subjects just don't turn out right.

anyway, there has been so many things that have happened since february. i can't remeber them all but there's quite a few things i would like to talk about regarding how it affects my little mind (it hasn't been working properly for quite a while now).

firstly, my class: 4FONDUE!

i just can't explain in words how much i adore this class. there's always people who would give some funny remarks which would almost always make my day. but sometimes, an insult coming from this class would dampen my spirits a little, which brings about the first problem i'm having with my mind.

it's getting overly sensitive.

i feel that my thoughts are almost overridden with emotions and instincts rather than inferences and deductions. simple smiles can completely make me change my decisions in split seconds. it feels vulnerable to a certain degree but... it does feel a lot better as compared to what it was like 2 years back.

second, my class from 2 years back: KEZO

recently, i keep having flashbacks of my old class just before i sleep. i close my eyes and somehow, i see them and if i try hard enough, it almost feels as though i could touch them. and in fact, sometimes, i do. just talking about it seems kinda irrational and completely outta-this-world but i just don't get it.

i think i miss the times i had smiles with that class.

it may not be with everyone but at least there was a time when we all smiled in front of a camera in our primary school attire. somehow, the hatred towards this class has been subdued with the warmth i'm getting from FONDUE. it's just simply amazing.

i remember the times when a group of us would be asking a few questions here and there on ridiculous subject matters. i remember the "great wall of china" back in year one. i remember the times i waited for enzhi till his malay class ended. i remember playing flying fingers on calvin's phone. i remember the encouragement i received after writing a chinese idiom on the board correctly back in year two. i remember the roses ziying gave to the whole class. i remember the small container classroom where everyone wore a jacket (and my brown jacket was the infamous one). i remember the laughter of those classmates seated around me. i remember the first angel and mortal game i ever played. i remember how this class first made me more optimistic. i remember those who instilled in me such bright values.

suddenly, a lot of these things just reappear in my head. and now, all these things are so distant to me. quite a number of my old classmates are now subconsciously non-existent in my eyes. i just don't even have the decency of heart to even say hi to some of them. neither do they too.

this year, it suddenly pains me a lot.

thirdly, i think i'm trying too hard to suppress my feelings.

i have many things i want to say to certain people. but somehow, my other personality just keeps on telling me to keep them in. and this holds true even now, cos my 4th personality is telling me not to write about it. i guess i'll just heed it.

finally, back to normal posting (for now).

brought my new pet doggies, Russell and Lussell to school today. haha, so cute xD

sadly they need 320kbps music files to achieve good playback. it's too sensitive (5000Hz sensitivity). gonna bring them to school everyday and probably build a little kennel to keep them in my locker =D

had a rather hysterical k-pop session during history period. abracadabra was... *speechless* those other guy artists impersonating the female ones were also... *speechless*

well, the girls were having fun. i just switched to reading kaichou wa maid sama. just a short moment later, i was watching a proper all female group doing things normal for females (at last). i think i was more amused by the comments the girls made rather than the video. those korean artists all look the same to me. well, i did like the one with the dyed blondish hair colour (<--- blonde fetish). anyway, i just went back to the manga and xinyi was like, "... not interested." and then they had a mini discussion of what kind of girls i would probably like. "sexy? cool? cute?... if you are looking for cool girls got 2NE1..." and so on.

ah well, k-pop is just not for me (yet?).

cca was really tiring for some reason today. probably due to the lack of sleep due to all those prolonged flashbacks i've been getting.

i guess that's all i have to say for today? haha, bye.

konbanwa.

breathe, zealous flame.

happy cny & valentines/friendship day!

2010-02-14T22:38:00.004+08:00

man, i pretty much failed to post regularly but since anyone hardly comes to this blog, i guess it's okay. =D

mugging has completely taken my life by storm recently and it's hard to shake it off too. the pressure of getting consistently good/perfect grades is pretty heavy. but that makes me more down to earth.

anyway, a happy chinese new year to all!

my first day at my relative's home was to say the most, boring. i just read the book i borrowed from the mini-yeo-meng-han library, The Graveyard Book. it's quite a good read, something that i sort of thought of before just never so elaborately considering that i only keep getting the same dreams of having my funeral but never really getting to the part where i'm buried or burnt to ashes.

so, it wasn't a very happy chinese new year for me.

yet, the friendship day part of it cheered me up loads.

it didn't happen on exactly the same day, more of what happened before cny itself.

well, my class played angel & mortal in commemoration of friendship day. everyone picked their random mortals about 2 weeks back. i got wanki as my mortal. i don't really know her well, so i didn't really know what to expect myself or herself to think. as such, i was an inactive angel for the first week of the angel & mortal game.

on the second week, i felt kinda guilty and so i bought her a pony. i gave it to her on monday early in the morning when hardly anyone arrived. apparently, although i didn't want that many people to know of who wanki's angel was, somehow, word kinda spread to everyone in class except for wanki. well, at least she didn't know. from my table, i glanced at her every now and then and she appeared rather indifferent during lesson time. i thought i did something wrong initially until i saw her playing with it during the breaks. that cheered me up for the day. it was quite a blessed feeling when you make someone happy and they don't know who it was who cheered them up. i kinda did feel like an angel.

then, the next day, on tuesday, i received a notebook. it had bears and other decors on it. with a note on the first page saying:

"To whoever my angel,

Thanks for the little horse =D omg I just realise it is a pony! >.<

It is so cute!!

Since I don't know you are

Guy or girl??

I will just give you a

Bear-bear notebook.

Hope you like it =)"

when i got it from xinyi, i was really dumbstruck. in fact, completely dumbfounded yet touched and felt very appreciated. i have always loved to feel something like that, it happens often too rarely in my life so it felt really great. i looked over at her table, her face still rather indifferent due to lessons still on the go. i bought her a panda that day. it had huge eyes and it attracted my attention.

on wednesday, i brought out the black and white bear. quickly scribbled down a note in a handwriting that i forged back in primary school, though still keeping a part of my original handwriting in it. i placed it on her table. people who came early kept complaining that the panda looks creepy, as though it was staring straight through you. but when i saw wanki's reaction to it, i was at ease. at least she was the one with the differing thought of the panda. fortunately for me, when i pointed out the note on the floor that geoffrey knocked out of the panda's arms, she did not suspect me as her angel due to the handwriting in the note. again, i felt remotely happy.

on thurday, to my great surprise again, i received another gift. it was a snowglobe (i called it a crystal ball at first, since i couldn't think of anything else that fits). it came with a note:

"Hi Angel:

Really really thanks

for the cute cute bear :)

OR is it a panda??

So good of you to

give my pony a friend ^o^

Hope you like the

crystalball :D And...

JIAYOU FOR THE CHEM

AND HISTORY TEST!!"

i laughed and i think i did pretty well for the chem test as well due to such an encouragement. after school, i went to shop again for a domo-kun speaker that caught my eye in a previous shopping trip. i bought it practically immediately, going to the cashier after getting my hands on it. after making payment, i saw this adorable domo-kun bag and decided that the speaker had to go with the bag as well and so i bought it too. back at home, i printed out a little card with domo-kun in a flower field.

on friday, the last day of the angel & mortal game. i came to school and placed the two items on wanki's desk and started writing my note. unexpectedly, she came to school earlier than usual and i made a run for it. i headed to the library to complete my note. by the time history period ended, there was a hamper with three wafer cans on my table. a note was attached as well:

"HI ANGEL:

YAY!

Finally I can know

who you are :)

I have bought some

wafers for you ^o^

Hope you like it.

Jiayou for Bio ^o^

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY!"

i looked over her direction and she was "marcus, thank you" with a wide smile. i smiled back. i felt happy once again to be appreciated. i taught her how to use the speaker as promised in my note to her. and later during bio, i think i did well again.

after this time's angel & mortal game, i think i've learnt something about being nice. it makes me feel good i guess. rather than being mean, then constantly having my inner personality reproaching me about it. i guess it does pays off every now and then to be nice, especially when the person you're being nice to is nice as well.

konbanwa

scatter, loathsome lullaby

first day crash! second, frustration!

2010-01-05T21:55:00.002+08:00

hello all!

first day of school started off with a big bang for me. man, really pathetic, i fell down at the bus stop by tripping over a curb, then over a bench, then head-first to the concrete floor. broke my specs in the process and got this temporary red frame that looks geeky and retarded Dx

got a scar about the size of a pupil and a half near my left eye. it was bleeding quite a bit on first impact but now its pretty alright.

xhilarate '10 was somewhat boring. seems like year 4 orientation bored everyone out. twisted my right arm a little while doing a pull-up to fling myself across an obstacle in a game which bryan chan was the gamemaster for. how unlucky.

we ate at koufu in kallang leisure. went back to school to witness bolt, the movie, for a short while. dismissed after that and went for cca. rehearsals ensued as usual. can't believe i forgot a simple line.

the next day...

went to school with my new glasses that were hopelessly crooked for some reason.

i think half the people i knew couldn't recognize me D: they did in the end though.

activity of the day: the all-frustrating-4800-level-jigsaw-puzzle

it was horrifying, tormenting and hideously difficult. imagine doing a jigsaw puzzle that consists of only two colours. your eyes would die getting each piece to fit perfectly. forcing the pieces in won't be of much help either. it just made matters worse D:

well, the activity was held after deciding the class comm. or "class.com" xD or (even more ridiculously) "www.class.com.sg" stupid carefree mistake that everyone laughed at.

after dismissal from the hall after looking at the complete puzzle, it was cca again.

priscilla = the sickest girl in eds ever. seems like the input in our conversation the whole time was on sex, sex, and more sex. i wonder what kind of company she had been over the holidays. simply just extreme man. wenxin recorded down most of everything that was being said. inclusive of priscilla's mishearing that "mr. ken don't watch 'much' porn" (actual sentence being said did not have 'much' in it).

cca ended after a truth or truth game and i hope i'm ready for tomorrow's exhibition!

sayonara.

prowl, vicious feline.

yeehaw! the new year is here!

2010-01-03T15:57:00.003+08:00

2010! it's 2-0-1-0 man!

just 2 more years till everyone dies! yay!

*punches myself in the face*

yeah, right. 2012 isn't the end of the world. the sun is probably not going to release some super sun wave anytime soon. it's more likely to run out of fuel rather than showing off its heat further to look hot.

anyway, happy new year everyone! yeah, i know this blog is a little late. still, better than nothing. one of my new year resolutions is to keep this blog updated at least once per week. better than letting it rot for months and months on end i guess.

haha, highlight before school starts tomorrow:

AVATAR in 3D!

woah ho, how cool is that man. epic movie of 2009. i daresay it owns 2012 in terms of sales. if only 2012 was in 3d... forget that, this movie has awesome storyline, graphics and design! james cameron is a genius man. but really, this is a must watch for hardcore movie-goers.

i bet i can't sleep tonight. i walk to my room everyday, staring at the photo of my most fascinating class for a few moments now and then. i sure miss them a lot. meeting all of them tomorrow is going to be a bang.

xhilaration '10, a two-day orientation "approved" by the principal (new one? mr sng? i don't know). well, if it's the new principal, i more or less think of him as a rather reasonable dude. heard he's strict.

my group members are pretty fine. quite the fun-loving group =D

YEO KIM SIANG LIM YU-ZHEN MOOK WEI LUN MARCUS GEOFFREY TAN WAN YUN TAN JIA QI TAN JIN TING CLAIRE KHOO EN PING CLARILYN VIVIENNE TEOH YAN HONG CHEN YIN CHIA SU ERHN RACHEL GOH FANG PEARL

haha, copied directly from the excel document.

i guess i am looking forward to school. well, in the sense that it is the people in school rather than the activities o.o

i guess i'm done for this post.

sayonara.

howl, lone wolf.

eds c.i.p.

2009-08-15T16:29:00.003+08:00

hello everyone,

had c.i.p. today at novena. it was for the lions home for the elderly. really tiring... well actually, it was the boredom that made it tiring.

ching ying and i arrived at about 8:34 am at novena. we saw raey and sim lin just right after the tapping machine (called it that way because of lack of any other word to describe it). we waited a while more for the rest to arrive. priscilla and ziying came followed by jamie and caris. i expected more people though.

head to novena square/velocity.

had a rather long wait before the actual thing started. we collected our tin cans and off we went. all the other girls just totally vanished off the surface of novena's floor. don't know where the heck they've been to until much later.

ching ying and i headed towards some petrol station. our first hour was pretty okay. we got quite a number of stickers off our sheets. after which we went back and headed for united square.

we slacked at united square for a long time. it rained after the first hour and so we had a meal at macs and slacked more at popular and challenger.

we resumed our job after that.

soon, it was half an hour to 2 and we headed back to novena square. that was when we saw raey, jamie, priscilla and ziying. priscilla and ziying were total ownage. they filled up their can to the brim and were already helping jamie and raey fill up their can. they were at orchard though.

anyway, after it all ended, we ate at kfc and went back to home sweet home.

tata for now.

lovely isn't it? full marks = shocking

2009-08-12T20:44:00.003+08:00

hello everyone,

i realized that hardly anyone believes i got 20/20 for trigo 1 common test. which include what some claim as the whole level. O.o for example, deon chan was like slapping my back for getting full marks when i was just about to say 'hi' to him.

saw shu chuin together with egan and she was like, "marcus mook, i hate you."

random. really random. so i asked why.

"you got full marks. i mean the whole level knows about it. how can marcus mook get full marks?!"

i think i sort of quoted her correctly i guess. aww, wouldn't have liked shu chuin to hate me for this. i mean, didn't the whole level own my grades in general? so much for my happy ending.

somehow, unless i make getting full marks for maths something less rare, no one is going to believe that i ever scored 20/20 under such time constraints. on well, better score another perfect score (hopefully) for my next maths common test. i guess i really have a strong desire to prove many people wrong.

there's chinese test tomorrow and my one and only advantage is gone. the idioms are no longer tested and i studied so hard for it just to go down the churn. oh well, that means extra sleep instead of further mugging today.

nothing much left today so,

tata.

back on the com.

2009-08-11T20:39:00.003+08:00

hello everyone,

my com died a few days back. just managed to fix the damn thing today. so i haven't been posting recently. oh well, weekends was a little hopeless. died from boredom. revived myself due to extreme willpower to use the com again.

school was rather uneventful today. first thing in the morning, shocking news. uh, no, feverish news. 5 out of 6 absentees were down with fever. one happens to sit right to my left. that was why i had the honour to hear the pledge being recited by someone dominant who then stood almost beside me while reciting the pledge. i think some people know who.

wenxin was stuck in malaysia for who knows what reason. also, nobody really sang the national anthem today. a little ironic since national day was just 2 days back. i think somebody forgot to do flag-raising ceremony today.

lit was first. watched the last two performances. jia-er looked funny with her hair down in a messy manner. courtesy to grace of course. i don't think mad people tidy up their hair though. and speaking of hair, i bet mine is gonna be gone soon. D: gerrald's scream of despair when he got killed was hilarious. then he went akimbo to his next position.

chenyin's group was quite cool. tabs had erm, 6 or 7 words to say i think. she was mainly the one bringing forth the action which mancini found rather well done. chorus was pretty co-ordinated. pretty impressive.

bio was next. better remember to bring the 1.0 litre bottle for her tomorrow or suffer consequences. labelled the respiratory system's organ parts and stuff.

c.m.e. and chinese were about equally boring. screensaver mode proves to be highly effective. had some recounts of kong hwa again which were horrible.

maths was good and bad. super suan-sation from ben. reason? i got full marks for maths trigo common test. as i was giving out the papers, i tried not to look at anyone's marks and i kinda succeeded. i managed to focus my eyes on the top left corner rather than the box on the top right corner. jia-er was like bowing down before an imaginary "maths god". which i gave a face like: =.= yeah, i think that was how i probably looked. a few snide remarks from mrs tan. er, things like effort and so on and how even me, a slacker who sleeps in her lessons, doesn't hand in my work could still get full marks for the test. well, it would seem that slacking was the way to go if people wanted full marks for trigo. which was why mrs tan had to quickly add that she still requires full attention from me (bah, screensaver mode works well) in class and that i must hand in my work. oh well, my first full marks for maths this year. i shall aim high again and try for full marks for the next common test next week.

oh well,

tata.

i don't care what they say
it's still me i daresay
what i reap,
what i seek
is what i sow
and what i need

and that's my identity

i'm me
by Sanguis

national day celebrations!

2009-08-07T16:36:00.002+08:00

hello everyone,

after the grueling day yesterday with 4 papers, today came a half-day thanks to national day celebrations! it was a mess, at least in the assembly period of time. erm, hopeless singing and shouting and screaming. don't know what else to say.

class activities were erm, unbelievable? we got some "Don't Forget the Lyrics!" s'pore style for a few rounds and a little trivia before that. did some face and hand painting (gosh, painting normally requires a BRUSH, not some stupid soft lead). my group, a pure guys one, won overall. got some lollipops.

hmm, ate lunch with roy and nicholas after dismissal at tampines mall. kimchi was delicious. a little bit too spicy though. had some fun at nubox. played tap tap at their tryout station. with my total inexperience in tap tap, i got a 87% hit rate and 57 streak on insane mode. not bad i guess. roy got 93%. godly. went home after that.

played astral masters again. starting to improve and trying out new decks (which tend to fail due to lack of in-game mental power). got to admire the in-game a.i. cos they are really really good. unlike some games with such noob ones that you can win the first time you have a go at them.

really really bored right now. don't have anything really fun to do.

come to think of it, there is a lot of things i could do... just that, i'll need a better computer than what i currently own.

sigh, how long more do i have to wait for a new computer?

oh well,

tata.

too bored for a poem. T.T

4 papers today: ACE, chem, maths and AMC

2009-08-06T22:38:00.001+08:00

hello everyone,

4 papers today, but really happy. =D

tata.

in a rather rushed situation, so no poem again T.T

disemble no more! 8D

2009-08-05T20:00:00.002+08:00

hello everyone,

overslept in the morning. O.o i accidentally pressed turn off instead of snooze on my phone. which resulted in it not ringing a second time nine minutes later. sigh, so in the end, i couldn't get an extra half hour for rehearsal in the morning.

shall skip everything else today. wasn't anything new besides the p.c. national day videos. anyway, all it had to do with were birds with plain or starred bellies. oh, and with 3 strands of hair on their heads. presented to us by cat in the hat.

oh well, after math, which was after p.c., the hour of disemble-ment came! lit was right smack after lunch. skipped lunch for half an hour's worth of rehearsal. jamie was complaining that i wasn't mad enough. lol. apparently, she kinda revealed herself to be acting pissed? not really sure though. anyway, forgot my lines for a little bit during lunch rehearsal. well, just a LITTLE bit. yeah. heightened emotions really make me forget stuff quickly.

well, up first for lit tell-tale heart presentation was mancini's group! they kinda spammed a lot of boxes. i think there were erm, 3 big boxes, 2 small ones and 3 more medium ones? can't really remember. my memory is failing me. just pray that it doesn't fail me during chem test tomorrow. actually, i think it won't. oh well, just a simple check, what are the insoluble sulphate salts?

hmm, barium, calcium, lead (ii) and silver! yay, got them right, i think. i remember them as "Baka probably suffering again". well, Baka is jap for idiot. and it so happens to look similar to Ba and Ca combined. :D 'probably' is for Pb. hope you get what i mean. 'suffering' would stand for sulphate salts cos sulfur sounds like suffer. xD "again" is for silver. kinda obvious since the first two letters are 'A' and 'g'. put together, you get Ag for silver. :D oh well, that seems to settle my confidence for chem test tomorrow, even though elaine said her class highest was erm, 14/30... O.o creepy.

anyway, back to lit. after mancini's group finished with their boxes, their acting ensued. it was a bit random for the mad man in tell-tale heart to be called john doe all of a sudden. but still, the show goes on. xD they mixed a bit of bang bang, you're dead and macbeth into the tell-tale heart which was pretty cool. the way mancini said psychotic made him sound a little like what he said. xD nah, it was pretty serious, the whole play. i would've thought my group's one was more of a joke with my presence. anyway, they had a kind of surround sound thing which was quite cool and creepy at the same time. you could hear voices from everywhere. i guess that kinda put the audience into the mind of john doe. overall, i would say this would make a great audience and actors interaction play. kinda creepy and an idea of what would happen after the real plotlines given by edgar allan poe was rather interesting. the court scene i mean.

anyway, next was my group's performance. first thought was like, "OMG, DON'T EFFING SCREW UP." shifted away the excess boxes and brought in the yellow chairs (i would say the yellow is kinda bananas [crazy]). tingyu turned the lights off and gave me a thumbs up to start. deep breath in and off i went!

"MAD? You fancy me MAD? Madmen know nothing. Madmen observed nothing. Madmen know naught of control. Me? MAD? IMPOSSIBLE! Look at me, the very calmness i project." well, that was the opening lines of my group's play. there was like, instant silence the moment i said the monosyllable word 'mad' the first time. i think i crept out a few people. anyway it went on, for the life of me, i can only remember my own lines. and so, after more taunting from jiaying and jamie as choruses, i bellowed, "Do i look MAD to you?" many soft responses of 'yes' were heard. i did my best to remain focused and i guess i succeeded. :D

"Nervous, maybe. MAD? RIDICULOUS! Did you see how composed i was then?" some violence ensued after a few more lines from the choruses. with jiaying pulling my hair and me feigning a violent push that jiaying was meant to do to my head. after that was the "patiently waiting" part where jiaying sat down to my left and jamie pushed me forwards to cue my trip.

"SHUT UP! I'M NOT GOING CRAZY!"

"OOH, touchy are we?"

after which a few short lines were said and i opened the door for the policewoman, with a very cartoon CID tag around her neck.

"My own."

"I was having a bad dream, not a crime is it?"

"Search the house? Do feel free to. Do search well."

"There's nothing. No evidence, no motive, nothing. This is flawless. Utterly, perfectly flawless. She'll never find anything amiss. Nothing!"

"Well, do make yourself comfortable. But I'm afraid you've made a waste trip here."

"Oh, nothing at all. Nothing at all! I understand your need for assurance and i can quite assure you that it has been a most peaceful night. Coffee?"

"Soccer?" there was a little bit of laughter at the randomness of soccer appearing out of nowhere. probably with relation with how liverpool owned the lions flat 5 - 0.

"No... WILL YOU STOP THAT DRUMMING!"

"It is NOT a question. It's a STATEMENT!"

more taunting followed. till "i think she hears it too"

"Yoga? No... Not really..." more random humor for the audience.

"Heard of?" my character starts to be over paranoid and is nearing to losing control of himself.

the policewoman randomly states how yoga helps in blood circulation in which might character takes it for the old man's heart under the planks on the floor.

the climax of the taunting with "and faster" repeatedly echoed into my ear ended when i burst out with my ending lines,

"DISEMBLE NO MORE! I ADMIT IT! TEAR THE PLANKS! HERE, HERE. IT IS THE BEATING OF HIS HIDEOUS HEART!" and bowed a few seconds after the line ended.

rachel was saying, "from now on, i think i'm scared of mook." or something along those lines.

anyway, speaking of rachel, her group was next and egan was taking the role of the mad man! wenxin's taunting in her play was really awesome. i thought egan was a bit soft when he went to the back where the imaginary door was. their group acted out the whole story of the tell-tale heart. including the scene where the madmen kills the old man, which was rachel taking the role. and OH-MY-GOD. those who seen it were all shocked. when egan strangled rachel, rachel fell off the box. totally off the box and fell horizontally down behind the box.

"OUCH." was practically on everyone's thought bubbles. was surprised that she could still stand when she didn't fall properly. that fall was pretty fatal, and the height of the fall while being totally unprepared was not exactly negligible. scary. i forgot whether it was tingyu, xinyi or jamie who said their play was more violent than ours. i kinda agreed. my fall was all readied and relatively well-rehearsed. i can't imagine having to fall like rachel even if it was meant to be that way. rehearsals in that way would be dead painful. dead, get it? xD

oh well, at the end of it all, mrs vora was pretty pleased with our performance. i was glad too, she complimented my group on our acting and that i really did look crazy and mad. =.= not exactly a compliment but still, that meant our group did well. :D she mentioned staying back to film all of our plays for mr ken's viewing pleasure. i'm sure the effect would be less dramatic compared to a live performance.

haha, now a prayer, let's hope this play thing is GRADED. xD i'm sure everyone would want it to be since everyone did so well. :D

studied chem when i got home. that's where "Baka probably suffering again." came from. xD oh well, the rest were relatively easy to memorize, i think. wish me luck for the 4 papers i'm having tomorrow!

tata.

madness till sadness
i'm still next to you so
don't tear
don't shed them
even when it grows dark
the light will shine somewhere
unveiling the madness
disturbing the sadness
making it go away
embrace the light
and only then
tear
shed
weep
doesn't it feel good to free
one's deepest?
and smile
then smile yet more
till you taste the sweet scent
on those blissful lips
which expresses more
the marble white seen
and then you are truly
truly happy

happy madness
by Sanguis

sometimes, what the **** describes more than anything else

2009-08-04T21:47:00.002+08:00

hello everyone,

oh my god. lit presentation tomorrow.

*prepares to die*

tata.

overly stressed out, no poem again. D:

reduced shakespeare! plus end of weekends D:

2009-08-03T18:15:00.004+08:00

hello everyone,

didn't post yesterday because by the time my com would be on, it would be today already. so i might as well just wait till later in today rather than posting around midnight.

shall start with yesterday. had lit rehearsals from 1pm to about 5.30pm ++. it was pretty tiring, for my throat, i mean. 'that is what rehearsals are about/for' was constantly shuffled to the top of my thoughts time and time again. oh well, tingyu's home was huge. the piano being played occasionally was quite soothing and perhaps amusing. i fail at music. totally. i can still remember how long it took me to learn a string of drum beats when someone just played it once and got it right the first time. O.o just shows that i have no musical genes in me at all. oh well, i'll just stick to the internet and digital graphics.

our rehearsals went pretty well, more productive then i expected. maybe working along 5 other girls (4 actually, yu-zhen was sick that day) was more effective than along 5 other guys. but i guess that all depends. but still, it is a bit pathetic to have only FOUR guys in the whole lit class. oh well, with three coming from my class it does cheer things up a little. anyway, while saying my line 'do i look mad to you?' i hear soft replies of 'yes' almost all the time. well, i'm not imagining it like what my character does cos i know i'm perfectly sane compared to the character i'm acting as (i know my group members beg to differ).

we went outside, to the swimming pool tables. well, jiaying kinda took over yu-zhen's role already. i had to muster more emotions and elaborated actions into my acting. i'm kinda absorbing as much anger as possible from today onwards so that i'll be prepared to let my anger loose on wednesday during presentation. a little dumb, i know. but i do want to make sure that i perform the best to my ability on the day itself. jamie kinda got a little irritated at one point during our practice session. i was having trouble being angry. when i sat down to try being angry, well, i was told to relax. a little ironic cos i was way too calm. which made me kinda too calm to turn angry all of a sudden. well, i guess that situation was the first time my dad came in useful. i managed to get angry, relatively well i hope, but i forgot my lines much more frequently with such heightened emotions. bouncing up and down with my emotions proved to be more tiring than running 2.4km. if you catch my drift.

had a nice little coke float after all those rehearsals. almost instantaneously revitalized me. coca cola works wonders. really. we took a cab to the national library building afterwards. we ate at hanis (looks like another ha_ _ is word i know of from afar). was kinda surprised at tingyu's wonderful table manners. don't really see much of that nowadays. was slicing my fruit after the main dish and when i was slicing off the last block of flesh closest to the strong fiber of the melon, my right hand twitched. seriously, not a good time to do so, right hand. i just can't bear to punish you cos i need you to write. my right hand has this serious twitching problem. it just auto-twitch as and when it feels a need to relocate certain joints of my fingers. which is why you see my pen falling to the floor for no apparent reason when i was writing with it moments ago. oh well, back to the melon flesh. after my hand twitched, the knife i was holding lifted the melon too suddenly and off the melon flew. it dropped on the ground promptly. i picked it up, half-embarrassed. then i just finished up my sugar-free tea. it went down a little bitter. maybe because i did something embarrassing.

oh well, had a one hour mugging session in the study lounge. i read reader's digest on my own to realize how wikipedia was a dish in beijing. well the issue came in only two days ago. some pretty interesting stuff inside. after the mugging session, in which we stopped at 7.40pm, we left for gate 7. we were told it wasn't open for seating yet. so we waited outside. a lot of other people came. soon, we entered, i sat beside mancini and grace's mother. quite a weird combination to sit beside with. a sadist and a total stranger. oh well, the play started a little while after seating.

reduced shakespeare must be the most ingenious interpretation of shakespeare i have ever seen in my life! let's see, romeo and juliet was over in like 12 minutes. the balcony scene with the dress was ridiculous. and all the male characters were so gay and sissy. they made a sissy-leap into the air each time they run about half the stage. juliet dying was vomit on the audience. really wonderful. oh yes, yes. before that, the fight was really funny. the narrator was just talking about the fight and just barely after he finished his sentence. "i am slain" was heard. that was so damn epic. oh well, both romeo and juliet finally died.

a few other plays followed in record time. a play was presented as a food show. the whole history of kings that shakespeare wrote of was over in a soccer match interpretation. another four more plays was done in a rap kinda thing. it was really good. i noticed that every, i really mean EVERY line rhymed. be-awesome. that means beautifully awesome. xD after all that, macbeth was mixed with a few other plays in very strong scottish accent. by that, i mean dragging the consonant 'r' for a long time. it was hilarious. finally, there was much complaints coming from the actors about hamlet. it was kinda obvious that they didn't mean what they said. which remains me, the oldest and youngest of the three went for a very long wild goose chase. the bald guy was solo-ing a portion of the performance with his larynx. very cool. it was amazing. my seat was the furthest row from the stage and to still hear the hollow sound made from his throat was way cool. he did a flame licking performance as well. after which there was an intermission.

hamlet finally ensued when they came back. the bald guy played some instrument. i just can't remember. they (those two missing actors) came back after a short moment. hamlet finally began. the whole thing was so funny i think i can't remember half the things i laughed at. there was a scene where hamlet was about to start his to be or not to be speech. he kept hesitating and a lady from the bottom floor literally cackled. then hamlet was like 'she laughed at me' and cried with his back to the audience. "you should have thought of this before you laughed at him" said the bald one later. epic-ness. laughed like crazy.

the whole final scene of hamlet was the most crazy one. where ophelia drowned herself with a spalsh of water from a silver cup. it was called "good acting" by the bald and before that, the ghost of hamlet's father was super funny. it went 'whee!' in the most dumb manner i never thought of before. gosh, i laughed till my abdomen hurt. they did two ultra-speed runs of hamlet and even a reverse run where ophelia spit water back into the cup. ingenious i tell you, ingenious. i never imagined someone surpassing fabian in terms of lameness. the ghost went 'oob' instead of 'boo'. laughed like a lark. really crazy laughter going on.

sigh, was sad that the show ended. i would have loved to watch a parody on every single shakespearean play. could still feel the passion of saying "cut the crap hamlet, my biological clock is ticking and i want babies now!" from the caesarean section. xD

oh well, woke up super late today. 7.30am. i woke up at around 5.15am at first, thinking that i could recite my lines early in the morning in class when no one is around. but after reaching the living room, i made a u-turn and slumped back to bed. stupid, really. i can't believe that happened. made a rush for school afterwards.

had to buy a new thermometer after crushing my old one after bio test. and there was actually assembly in the hall. the HALL man. i erm, missed that place? mr teo was talking about failure and success. and by the way, i'm skipping all my lessons today cos they were just too painfully boring. besides mrs tan thinking i said something dirty or vulgar when i actually said "pretty simple" after she explained the usage of radians.

boring day again. nothing interesting ever happens in school. =.=

tata.

erm, no poem today. no inspiration you see. Dx monday blues i guess.

random old games, iq test fever and photoshop cs 4

2009-08-01T21:53:00.003+08:00

hello everyone,

today i went installing a whole chunk of games on my stupid computer. from the year 2004 i think. there was gunmetal, battle engine aquila and sacred plus. well, gunmetal and battle engine aquila put me off with the noise it makes in the game. sacred plus has rather extreme graphics for something that came out from its year. i would kinda recommend sacred plus for any gamer who has an old computer like mine. sacred 2 is out though, and sadly, i can't play it due to graphics limitations.

played a few rounds of astral masters. lost 2 out of 8 matches. not too bad. starting to get better and better.

my mom went to malaysia mid-afternoon. well, i watched a few episodes worth of anime. nothing better to do.

dad came back and went out for dinner. came back home and suddenly my sister asked me about i.q.. she can be pretty random sometimes. so i let her do an online quiz on the com. her result was 117. then she asked what mine was. i told her 140, she didn't believe and asked me to do the test as well.

so, i went to do the test. results? 148. she looked at it a little dumbfounded but oh well, that is my i.q. afterall. seems like my i.q. grew over the past few mugging sessions (though i don't think it affected the results at all).

had a little photoshopping afterwards. well, the trailer for the english version of dissidia: final fantasy was out so i decided to make a wallpaper for it. apparently, square enix was stingy and didn't want to put both cosmos and chaos together in their own wallpapers. also, the resolutions square enix provided was rather small. so i made a major one at 1920 x 1600 with full rights to square enix of course. oh well here it is:

i was a little lazy to fully clean every white speck i saw in between the characters so this was the final result. i even left square enix's signature right smack in the center to show respect to the company i wish to join one day. xD

seriously, i really want a psp by august 25th. why then? that's because dissidia: final fantasy is released that day. tons of people will be flocking there to buy it.

there's nothing much i did for the rest of the night except for writing this post so...

tata.

All that is one
Long to be with one
Only to still find one
Not a single one
Even the slightest one

With love,
You are not alone

one
by Sanguis

screw bio test.

2009-07-31T22:26:00.002+08:00

hello everyone,

bio test was the big bang today. mugged on early in the morning and in the library during history as well. really hopeless. in the end, bio test was so damn screwed. totally man. spoiled my mood for half the day. i crushed my thermometer thereafter. got to really buy a new one on monday.

had chinese later, which was rather okay. just copying stuff from the whiteboard. pretty brainless work which calmed my emotions a little.

l.a. was still the same. today wasn't any better i guess. still on macbeth and my group decided on act 1 scene 7, where lady macbeth questions macbeth's manhood and plans to kill duncan. wonder who shall be the woman out of my group members.

we got donuts after that! mrs ong came near the end of l.a. with 3 boxes of donuts. how nice of her. i ate the one with some dark toppings over the milky sugar coat which tasted good.

lit came up after the donuts. we ate in and outside of class and obviously no where near the canteen. xD we had rehearsals again. i noticed that my group members were basically sitting right in front of me. how convenient. my softened rage for bio got ignited a little after some minor differences between my group members and i. got to apologize to certain people for losing my temper at them. though it was quite fortunate that i didn't go over the top. was told that 'anyone there?' had to perform during lit seminar this coming 29th august. lucky i haven't forgotten my lines for that play as opposed to the 'tell-tale heart'. sigh, better get my lines memorized by sunday. presentation is this coming wednesday. oh right, there's reduced shakespeare this sunday as well. looking forward to that.

went to yupeng's house after that. his com was really kinda screwed. system recovery wouldn't work and we went down to cyberactive just to be told that we should be buying something before asking for help around his computer. well, no wonder there wasn't a singapore service star attached. we tried reinstalling windows with the 'dell' disc only to find that it won't work out. his mother found the proper system recovery disc at approximately 7.30pm and then followed by a long installation of windows. i went home halfway through it though.

oh well, off to memorize my script. don't want to be disappointing my groupmates.

tata.

the night's warmth
never so real
the sun's chill
never so pale

what i desire and seek
so near, so sought
yet getting it seemed so bleak
as such was i taught

no, you'll never reach it
no, you'll never grasp it
no, you'll never see it
never, ever again

what is it; such questioned
it is what the deaf can hear
it is what the blind can see
it is what the mute can voice

faith, such a force

is it faith?
by Sanguis

mug till you drop.

2009-07-30T22:02:00.003+08:00

hello everyone,

school was tiresome today.

slept pretty late mugging for bio the previous night. originally intended to come to school earlier today but overslept. so i reached school pretty late today. mrs ong was in class before i stepped into class.

had lit first thing in the morning. hilarious and ridiculous rehearsal for the tell-tale heart play. which my groupmates instinctively changed it to 'tell-tale mook' for self-entertainment. i am the crazy guy in the play. xinyi is the policewoman, whose mind can jump from soccer matches to yoga exercises (for some reason only jamie knew of). jamie and yu-zhen are the chorus. jamie apparently was happy that she could act bitchy and yu-zhen just loves to stress the 'eye' in her lines. my final lines were the most retarded. guess jamie isn't jamie for nothing. well, based on the definition given by mr ken for her name.

the other lessons were boring. especially chinese. i fell asleep from exhaustion. okay, not exhaustion. i basically just wanted to sleep. mr teoh was just going through the answers of the previous test paper in which i failed by 3 marks. oh well, my chinese vocab isn't as wide as the sky is afterall. shall not be too saddened by my chinese results.

bio was purely mugging and more mugging. ms chua came in to tell us she would take over math periods tomorrow so she would postpone our test till then. wonderful. at least that meant i could relax a little.

l.a. was quite a bore. well, since when did mr harris' classes got anywhere near as interesting as drama sessions? never i guess. geoffrey got caught shouting 'holy shit' in class and was told to write a three hundred word account on the history of the word 'shit' over time and its meaning. wonderful. had another set of comprehension and time homework to deal with now. i seriously think time is rather pointless. the quality of their articles are starting to drop a little, to me i guess. it feels as though the editors are just rushing it for their printing deadlines.

maths was quite okay i guess. mrs tan made a joke about her leaving our class. i didn't catch the joke at first. well, until ben laughed. his laughter isn't exactly erm, a true laugh or a common laugh that most people know of. oh well, maths was just asking a few questions and paying slight attention. oh yes, plus ben saying that 'egan loves a-d-a.' egan replies, 'stop fantasizing.' my comment, 'i think it might be the other way round.' egan with an immediate response, 'ya.' slight pause ensued and egan exclaims, 'NO!'

free period before bio again was spent in the library eating ice-cream. we talked about egan's responses towards ada. egan was half-oblivious to what mancini, vivienne and i was saying. he was listening to his ipod nano. made him half-deaf.

bio again later. played a blood type game. would have loved to murder the patient by giving him/her the wrong blood packs though. went home after that.

after bathing, i stared at the mirror for a while. i don't know why but i just did. and then, i realised that i had dark rings. first time in my life. really. i'm not kidding. and it looks hideous. i guess i'll grow used to it.

was mugging bio again before blogging. well, as a few people who might have realised, i added a music gadget to my blog! haha, if anyone wants me to add more stuff, just tell me what to add and i'll do so a.s.a.p.

tata.

i stare at the mirror
what terror
i glare at the mirror
what horror
my fingertips touch the other
i see them interlocking
my fingers' reflection differ
i thought my eyes were failing
i look closely at the man
he looks intently back
darting back at my hand
his followed by a crack

there laid a shattered change

mirror change
by Sanguis

oh ber-lard-dy crap.

2009-07-29T20:35:00.000+08:00

hello everyone, second post of this blog. shall hope that it stays alive till next year at the very least. just pray it won't die during EOYs.

an okay day i guess. went to astra to claim ownership of my tee which had my surname imprinted so well on the back that anyone within 20m from my back could see. geoffrey had a little fuss over how 'mook' appeared so prominently on the tee and then shouted out "astra mook". for a moment there, i thought i suddenly became related with astro boy. -.-

read harry potter. actually, read only 3 lines before i realised that mrs ong had arrived and flag-raising was about to start. don't get why it's still called 'flag-raising' when almost nobody sees it getting hung high on the flagpole anymore. -.-

played floorball today after 2 laps around the track while rolling the stupid floorball. it was stupid. got a little impatient and simply whacked it down the track. missed several times though. missed a total of 4 times. which reminds me, ms ching pey suan said a total number of 246 'hor's throughout one hour's worth of c.m.e. lesson. courtesy of mancini who had nothing better to do.

after p.e. was financial literacy. my team bought a 100 lots of osim and 50 lots of china fish last week. pathetic man. osim dropped over the course of 7 days. really stupid. why? that's because osim rose by 6.6% before the rather gradual drop. if not my team would have made 20,000 already... sigh. at least our prediction of china fish was on the dot. it rose by a full 0.1. we earned 5,000 from china fish. not too bad a deal. second highest earner in my class.

had 4 periods of mrs ong thereafter. half to pc and half of it to chem practical in the lab. extracted caffeine today. quite a boring experience. disecting a pig's heart in bio was more of an eye-opener. pc was about kindness. i realise that i'm still too nice to people. should start being more evil. xD that is if i can bear to hurt anyone insensitively. oh well, i'm nice, really nice. xD

bio was pretty full of confusion today. all the blood groups and stuff. what antigen a, antigen b, antibody a and antibody b. pretty confusing. but i understood it in the end. well, at least i think i did.

la lecture was last. for some reason, i had no trouble keeping myself awake. i was practising cursive penmanship on my little notebook. finally got the gist of writing 'f' properly. speaking of writing, saw xinyi doing her typography. she drew 'c', 'd' and 'm' of a serif font. quite nice. sad to say that part of her capital 'm' smudged off the edge of the last stroke. anyway, i did mention posting some of my recent drawings to my juniors so here they go:

this is clarence wong, he's from my chinese class and i think this suits him. or at least he is ahem pretty enough. actually, this lady is a korean model, park hyun sun, at least that's what my primary schoolmate said. anyway, i'm a little disappointed with the drawing. the head's too small, making the rest of the body seems awkward. her left leg is too fat and the angle of the chest is about 30 degrees off. sickening. men are so much easier to draw. sigh. maybe i shall draw more next time.

here's a little poster i drew up for my chinese teacher. to commemorate how evil my chinese teacher is. the teoh devil is none other then the teacher. like who wouldn't expect that. i don't exactly plan to film out a movie out of him though. for those wondering, the swastika is drawn there because we suspected him of a nazi member in his past life. xD once again, my proportions are a little screwed. this was thanks to a push of the table and got my pen flying out of precision. sad but still, i managed to repair it a little. though from the wrist onwards, the arm looks exceptionally large... but i'm pretty pleased with the eye. i hope it does look creepy enough. xD

here is a picture i took over 40 minutes to draw. my pen was a bit leaky that day and it was hard keeping it from smudging. drawing the petals were most painful. i liked the outcome in the end though. didn't look too bad. well, i drew it during literature. mrs vora was discussing the short story, well you'd have guessed it, 'a rose for emily'. i was a little bored so i just did this little sketch. if you compared the number of lines on each picture i posted, you would have noticed that this is the smallest one out of all my drawings. so you can probably understand how hard it is to draw something this small with a leaky pen.

that's about all the drawings that are still intact. most of the rough sketches got crosses all over them already.

oh well, off to search for my old chinese paintings. mrs goh wants some. shall try searching, i guess.

tata.

dot, dot, dot.
something that represents naught.
jot, jot, jot.
whatever comes, i know not.

one, two, three.
such an imperfect degree.
it, he, she.
once too far away to see.

simple thoughts
by Sanguis

Making a partial "life" for myself...

2009-07-28T21:02:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone,

i guess it's been a while since a casual post. okay, a VERY long while. i guess it's like 4 months and 11 days. is it? just a rough estimate. was thinking of waiting till 7 months so it'll be 7/11. nah, just kidding. needed to release a good amount of stress afterall.

school was pathetic today. i mean really pathetic. i failed chinese after 3 passes (quite an achievement, really). got 47/100, a bare fail. saddening. at least bio cheered me up a little, i got 9/10 for that little popquiz. didn't mug for nothing i guess. geoffrey seems insistent that i get lousier grades when i mug though. got 14/16 for chem popquiz. rather pleasing results for both my sciences. bio common test on absorption/assimilation/proteins&fats is coming up this thursday. better start mugging for it more.

did something fun with my com today. let's see, shall take a snapshot with paint.

haha, click on the pic to enlarge it.

haha, love the feel of a mac xD

sadly, it isn't one. it's still windows xp xD now, isn't that cool?

recommend a game here to prevent brain degradation.

astral masters, pretty crappy game name but has good playability. most would be reminded of magic: the gathering when you're playing it though. you'll most likely lose a crap load in the beginning (i've been playing for the past 4 days and i'm still losing occasionally). pretty hard for a card game. the ai is pretty insane. for people who think this is a free game, it's not D: kinda sad ain't it?

anyway, i've got just the way =D

go to http://www.reflexive.com/

well, the demo of astral masters and a ton of other games are there. they update with a couple of games every fortnight or sometimes more. these aren't exactly the type of games like sims 3 of grand theft auto 4 so don't get your hopes too high.

download any demo you want and install it, but make sure you don't start the game immediately. just don't press 'finish' too quickly at the end of the installation and un-check 'start **** now', where **** is the name of the game and not a vulgarity.

go to http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?ygcgixdwotn

download that file and save it on your desktop or wherever you want.

run it and some irritating music will be heard. shut the stupid music and click unwrap. find the .exe file where you installed your game and then overwrite it when given the chance to.

bravo! you just got yourself astral masters for free (or some other game)!

happy playing though this isn't exactly the best time since more people would want to mug like mad. oh yeah, apparently, i'm not encouraging anyone to get hooked on this game. i kinda find it hard to get hooked to though; pokemon is more addictive xD

anyone interested in converting their xp com into a mac can call on me too, i'll provide you the installation files as soon as i get a notice :D

will change blogskin and add a tagboard soon too.

tata.

where the snow goes, i clutch them
where the river flows, i savor them
where the wind blows, i caress them
where the light shows, i embrace them

when the snow goes, i miss them
when the river flows, i watch them
when the wind blows, i enjoy them
when the light shows, i see them

how the snow goes, i resent them
how the river flows, i ignore them
how the wind blows, i waver them
how the light shows, i await them

where, when, how a friend knows, i'll love them.

where, when, how
by Sanguis